MY LIFE COULD BE SO MUCH BETTER - a lie.

Oh goodness, here it is, another after-eleven-o'clock post!

As I mentioned last time, I want to start a post group/discussion on the "lies pastor's wives believe." I thought I'd start the with one that I've already confessed to......Self Pity was what I called it earlier, but it stems from the lie that MY LIFE COULD BE (and SHOULD be) SO MUCH BETTER!

When we started our church the summer of 2007, I had a 5 month old and a 21 month old. Our core team met in our home every Tuesday night. In addition to caring for these tiny children and somehow getting the entire house cleaned, I also cooked the meal for upwards of 18 adults. This, of course, entailed having to get to the grocery store that morning - with those two "precious" kids in tow - and it usually entailed atleast 2 trips because I would always forget the important ingredients the first time.

I won't try to sugar coat those days - they were brutal. When I look back, I think I was on the verge of a breakdown at times. It was during that season that I developed "I HATE MY LIFE" days. These were days, invariably on Tuesdays, that I truly convinced myself that I hated my life. Not that I was having a hard day, not that grocery shopping stunk, not that this was a bad week.....I truly-madly-deeply HATED my life.

Yay, Yay, YAY, those days are mostly behind me, Praise the Great High God! I did, however, create a habit during that season of talking to myself about all the ways that my life could be better - if we were doing something different, if I had married someone else, if I didn't have the two children, if I went back to work, IF -IF- IF- IF ONLY IF! It's a crazy and poisonous cycle to get into and, for a while, I really enjoyed the martyr that it created.

If you are in this cycle right now, please listen to me:
IT'S A LIE.
IT'S A LIE.
IT'S A HUGE, DANGEROUS, POISONOUS LIE!

I am so grateful that the Lord did not and does not allow me to linger in those thoughts anymore. He has shown me* that Self-Pity is a liar and an unwise choice of a friend. He has shown me the vast array of treasures that He has set before me. He has shown me that His is the most excellent way...hang in there. Go on a treasure hunt if you have to - trust that the Lord is always honest. He has promised good to you. Go on a treasure hunt to find those good things in your life. They are all around us, even us Pastor's Wives, if we'll just open our eyes to them and close our ears to the lies of the Evil one. It's a promise you can bank on.

"The theif comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

Let's believe this.
Let's set our hope on this.
Let's set our thoughts on this.

How radically different could our situation be if we see it from the eyes of one who believes that Jesus Christ has come so that we may have abundant life!

I know this is getting long, so I'd like to close with something my pal Jen Bell (www.thewellcommunity.org) sent me this week. I asked some of my fellow Pastor's Wives pals to share some of their personal challenges during their first years as a PW. Here is a section of what she wrote.....

If you truly desire to be a support to him, you can't get obsessed with the question "what have YOU done for ME lately?". .. Brad told me to expect a tremendously busy first year.. MAYBE two.. well, here we are seven years later.. probably much busier than we were then.. so settle in, and learn to enjoy the ride. Find ways to connect with him in the midst all that he's juggling and be a place of refuge for him. (you'll know when you're doing a good job if he speaks sweetly about you in his sermons and he doesn't have to ask permission to use your latest blowup as an illustration : ) FOCUS on the benefits of your lot in life.. NOT the negatives.. don't compare yourself with your girlfriend who gets to lunch at the country club and hang out with her independently wealthy hubby all day playing golf.. compare yourself with the poor widow in Africa who has to walk five miles each morning to draw dirty water for her children to drink before she has to leave them to fend for themselves while she walks another 3 miles to the marketplace to sell trinkets totaling $1 for the week....

Amen and goodnight.

Lies

Well hello there.
I have had so many fun, crazy, weird, exciting, and just silly things going through my head lately, it's good to be writing some of it out. I guess some forms of insomnia have their payoff!

We had the privilege of hosting a new church planter in our home the past few days...Ben from City Church in Fort Worth, TX. It's always so fun to hear the questions that newcomers ask...and even more fun to realize that you're getting to the point that you actually some answers. Real answers. Not the kind where you realize, halfway through your response, that you really have no idea what you're talking about. Real answers because you've got real experiences and real history.

Most of Ben's time was spent with Jonathan and other church planting minded men. He came to our city group leaders' meeting, attended staff meeting, had a brainstorming lunch, etc. Jonathan and I never really got nor took the time to do so much research, and I really admire Ben for being so information oriented!

Jonathan was the focus of the most of the questions, but last night I fielded a few under the heading: "What are some ways that I can prepare myself to support my wife as we prepare to plant this church?"

Oh my, I had no idea he planned on staying with us long enough to get the full answer to this question!!! wink. tear. wink.

What a loaded question, Ben!!!

As I mentioned before, I have been preparing to give a talk at the Acts 29 Bootcamp in Houston in a few weeks....the focus of the week is "endurance", so the answers to this question have been all over my head and heart for some time. But first - I'm wondering what YOU would say. How would YOU answer this question? I am certainly not the only Pastor's wife who might have enjoyed a little more encouragement in the early days....so how can you help our Ben out? (I'll give you a footnote in the talk in Houston!)

For me....although, yes, I did ramble quite a bit....I camped out on LIES.
I have only begun to realize that so much of my heartache, disappointment, confusion, anger, frustration, and so forth stemmed from LIES that I was believing or atleast being intrigued by.

I don't know about you, but I don't think I've ever had this much trouble discerning the truth from a lie before. As I look back, I was being literally bombarded by lies and half-truths moment by moment.
* You're not ready for this.
* You're not good enough for this role.
* You're not what everyone in your church wants you to be.
* You're husband wishes he had chosen someone else.
* You're a phony.
* You're alone.
* It will never get better.

blah blah blah blah blah.

This is still a pretty new realization to me - so in an effort to really grasp ahold of the lessons I have to learn, I think I'll start writing out a bit of a series...."The Lies that Pastor's Wives are Told". Please feel free to add your own - I've got my experience and you've got yours - I think together we can fight harder!

For now, Ben had to settle with this answer:

"Please be aware - very aware - that your wife is under attack like she has never before experienced. She won't even know it for a long time. Please pursue your wife - be on the lookout for ways that she is beaten down and discouraged...Pray for her as a warrior fighting an invisible opponent. Encourage her often. Compliment her. Speak the truth to her."

amen?
..........